fake Jeremy Clarkson on 911s.

I had my farewell party last weekend and one of our guests left a lot less happy than when he arrived.  His crime was simple but no less heinous, he drove a Porsche.  Like the real JC I share his distaste for 911s.  The abuse had started a week or so previously when I ran into a friend’s friend who was very excited about his ‘new’ 911 and was eager to show it off and my first comment was “Nice Volkswagen”.

When the poor chap turned up to my BBQ and after several glasses of champagne we started talking about cars.  His new steed was a 996 Turbo, fair enough, if you are going to have a Beetle then at least get a fast one.  Our conversation turned to how much I hate 911s and I started a lengthy diatribe. 

Porsche drivers are a loyal bunch and get rather upset if you lay any criticism at their feet.  I once offended a Boxster driving colleague so much with comments like “What’s wrong, did you get turned down for finance on the 911” that he wanted to take me outside for a fight and it looked like this was heading the same way.

Our discussion turned to the Carrera 4S which got me quite hot under the collar.  You see the 4S is the worst of all the 911s as it is entirely a posers car.  It has the turbo bodyshell but not the engine and a lot of them get de-badged so the tosser driving it can pass it off as a turbo.  It also has 4WD which is probably a good thing as the 2WD ones plot to kill you every time you enter anything more than a gentle curve in the road.  As he couldn’t get a word in edge-ways I continued to lambast the 4S.  I became particularly animated on the subject of carbon ceramic brakes which are great on the race track but for street driving quite frankly a ridiculous idea.  Replacement brake discs cost something crazy like $10,000 and unless you have 500hp+ I just don’t see the point.

It turns out this chap has not one but two 911s, one here and one in Canada.  Can you guess what his second one is?  That’s right, a Carrera 4S with carbon ceramic brakes. 

Funnily enough he declined my request to let me have a drive.  I wonder why?

Muppet.

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About tony2x

I'm a burgeoning technology executive living and working in the beautiful Bay Area of Northern California. My life revolves around three things: technology, food and transportation and it is here we will be examining all of those in varying amounts of detail and vitriol.
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