The men.

So you’ve met the Ultimate Driving Machine™ but what about the brave pilots of this cross-country adventure?  I realised pretty quickly that trying to do this drive solo was just foolish and quite lonely too so I managed to convince a good friend to join me on the trip.

Driver 1 – tony2x aka fake Jeremy Clarkson

That’s me.  My name is Tony and I am a petrolhead of note*.  I have, in my 20 years of driving had the fortune to own some amazing machinery including a Ferrari 348, a BMW M5, a Lotus Carlton, more SAABs than I can remember, three turbocharged Subarus, an Alfa 75* and two Citröen GSAs.

I love road trips more than almost anything else in this world.  Most people when buying a car from the other side of the continental United States would do the sensible thing and pay a shipping company to bring it across the country, but where is the fun in that?

I’m a keen amateur chef, have competed in Rally and track events and consider myself an above-average driver, but then don’t we all.  I have a nasty habit of killing vehicles in the first 24 hours of ownership having dropped my GSXR750 whilst powering out of the dealership and played pinball with a snow bank in my Subaru WRX when it was 18 hours old.  Hopefully history won’t be repeating itself this time and we make it across with all body parts (us and the car) intact upon arrival.

My favourite television programme in the world is Top Gear.  I believe Clarkson, Captain Slow and the Hamster have the best jobs in the world.  This is why I am channelling the brave boys of the BBC to re-create one of their challenges. 

I’m quite loud and opinionated but love to laugh at the expense of myself (and sometimes others).  Fast, understated four door saloon cars (sedans in American) are my thing and I don’t think Audi have made a good car since the original ur-Quattro. Ok, that’s not entirely true as I love the R8 and can’t wait to see if Audi build the homage they recently showed at the LA Motor Show.

Driver 2 – Jerry aka fake Captain Slow

Jerry is a rare breed, he is an American citizen who not only knows how to, but actually enjoys driving ‘stick’.  That may sound like a euphemism for something dirty but in reality it is just referring to the manual transmission fitted to the car.

He may not think of himself as a petrolhead but he does drive a VW Golf MkV (or Rabbit if you must call it that) and he drives it well.  As a master Baker, a total music nut he has been appointed Entertainment Officer for this challenge and will be packing tasty treats to keep us sustained for the duration. 

He is a bit of a geek on the quiet, has a very dry sense of humour and I am proud to consider him one of my closest friends.  Just like the real Captain Slow, he actually drives quite fast but in an understated gentlemanly way.

Sadly we don’t have a fake Hamster for the trip, although I will happily accept applications over the next few days.  If you can get to Philly on Sunday December 5th and you aren’t an axe murderer, are under 5’8″ tall and have crashed a jet powered car at over 300mph then you could join us?  Applications via comments please.

* – to be a proper petrolhead you must have at some point owned an Alfa.  I did.  It was a terrible car that broke down all the time and was more rust than metal but that isn’t the point.


About tony2x

I'm a burgeoning technology executive living and working in the beautiful Bay Area of Northern California. My life revolves around three things: technology, food and transportation and it is here we will be examining all of those in varying amounts of detail and vitriol.
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2 Responses to The men.

  1. Alex says:

    Wait…are you guys dating?

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